Caught
by bikelock28
Summary: "I like dancing with you. They say that dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire. This is precursor to the very," he winks exaggeratedly, "long time we'll be horizontal later this evening,"...Barney/ Robin between S4 and S5. Music, dancing, Barney being irritatingly irresistible. Ch3 now up!
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own anything. T for language. Set on the 1st of July 2009, between Seasons 4 and 5. Hope you enjoy.**

Caught

When she comes into his apartment, 1920s jazz music is blaring and he's got his back to her, humming cheerfully as he spins around.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, you're here," he goes over to her, smiling, and takes her hand, "Let's dance,"

"Um, why?"

"Because," he wraps his arms around her back, swaying her with him, "I like dancing with you. They say that dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire. This is precursor to the _very_," he winks exaggeratedly, "long time we'll be horizontal later this evening,"

"Precursor?" she snorts, mocking.

"Robin Scherbatsky, are you insinuating that I cannot participate in foreplay?" Barney glares at her indignantly, hands on hips- but his face softens and his voice drops an octave as he adds, "I think we both know from last night that I can under-the-table foreplay with the best of 'em,"

She blushes, remembering the coolness of his fingers on her thigh the evening before. They'd wandered up and down her leg for an hour and a half- but Robin hadn't been able to throw herself on him, or the others would know; but she couldn't snap at him to stop, or the others would know. So she'd had to sit there getting more and more livid at him and more and more turned on by him every second. It had taken every ounce of Robin's self-control not to tear at Barney's shirt and drag him into wild, angry sex right there in the booth.

"You are- I-" she tries to defend herself, but he cuts her off, chuckling.

"Admit it, Scherbatsky- I make you crazy,"

He folds him arms and puffs his chest out, drawing himself up to his full height and tilting his hips towards her. The smirk on his face makes her want to slap him. She's never seen him look so cocky.

"If by crazy you mean crazy-pissed-off-want-to-burn-your-suits, they yeah, you do,"

The worst part is knowing that _he _knows that _she knows_ that that isn't the truth. As if his ego needs any more feeding. God, this guy is _impossible. _

Barney laughs and takes her in his arms again, pressing close; she can feel the contrasting contours of his body against hers. His hands on her waist are unexpectedly tender as they move together against the music. As much as he's irritating Robin, there's something inescapably alluring about being beside Barney like this, and his little-boy excitement for dancing is drawing her in (his enthusiasm is infectious. He could make Victoria Beckham smile).

"See," he murmurs, and although they're too close for Robin to see his face, she can picture the horrible, sexy, arrogant, victorious smile on Barney's lips, "I. Can. Make. You. Weak. At. The. Knees. And. You. Know. There's. Nothing. You. Can. Do,"

He accompanies each syllable with the tiniest of hip- thrusts. His bones graze hers and any she had integrity to remain pissed off at him is rapidly being quelled by the lust rising in her stomach. Again, he's right; if her arms weren't slung around his shoulders Robin probably would have melted onto the floor by now.

"I…hate you…so much," she manages, breathless and dizzy.

"Wrong. You love me. You love me, and I'm the best shag you've ever had, and we're going to go into my bedroom and I'm going to-"

She latches her mouth onto his before he can launch into one of his ludicrously explicit stories (she's never sure if he's actually _done _the thing he talks about, or if he's seen them in porn, or if he's making them up).

It's not even what he says which turn her (and, frankly, him) on; it's his voice. Even if he was reading the bus timetable, the silky gruffness coming from far back of Barney's throat could make it sound hot.

From the moment they'd met, everything about Barney Stinson had spelt sex and fun and illicit pleasures. The way he walked, sat, laughed, drank, spoke, smoked.

But he's dangerous. He's unreliable and unpredictable, and a pathological liar. This- this _thing _they're doing- is dangerous.

She can't keep away. Literally. She'd fought her feelings for him for months, but they'd gotten to a point where she couldn't keep them in any longer. Robin kind of feels the same way now; she can't contain her desire, especially with Barney making low, sexy guttural, grunts as his mouth slithers across her face. It isn't often that she allows lust to over-rule the inherent need to best him- but this time she can't resist. One of her hands is feeling its way around Barney's belt and the other's grasping his tie as she kisses the dip between his collarbones. She hauls him onto the sofa by his lapels, and he clambers on top of her, laughing as he and begins to pull at her blouse buttons with his teeth.

It's official- Barney Stinson makes her crazy.

* * *

Afterwards, he's draped half-on top of her, her fingers dancing on his shoulder blade while they both get their breath back.

"Hey, Scherbatsky?"

"Hmm?"

"Guess what?"

"Yeah?"

Robin has never hated anyone more in her life than she does in the moment when Barney Stinson props his chin up on her chest, fixes his shining blue eyes on hers smiling _the smuggest _smile she's ever seen, and says,

"Gotcha,"

**Fin.**

**Thanks for reading. Whatever you thought, reviews are much appreciated. Have a lovely day :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, this was originally going to be a one-shot, but then this chapter kind of happened. It's pretty much in the same vein as Ch1. **

**Set on 14****th**** June 2009, a couple of weeks before Ch1 and between Seasons 4 and 5. Enjoy!**

"I'm better than Ted, right?"

He's putting his shirt back on to go to MacLaren's.

"I'm sorry?" she's lingering by the door already dressed, waiting for him.

"In bed. I'm way better than Ted, aren't I?" His lips curl into a smirk which is verging on sadistic.

"No. We are not doing this. I am not doing this,"

"Ha, you know I am. I've got more going on down there. And I've been with more girls, so I know what I'm doing better than he does,"

"First- being with more girls is nothing to be proud of. And second, we are not having this conversation,"

"Because you don't want to admit that it's true?"

"No, because he's my ex and your best friend, and this is just cruel,"

"I _am_ cruel. Anyway, guys do this with each other, we compete. It's a guy thing,"

"Is it? Or is it an egomaniac thing?"

He grins, and she watches as he turns up his collar and carefully ties his tie around his neck.

"Has anyone ever told you you're a total girl?" she says, changing the subject.

"Judging by your screaming twenty minutes ago- no, I'm not,"

"Oh, shut up. I mean, like, clothes-wise. You take longer to get dressed to go to MacLaren's than Lily took to get ready on her wedding day,"

"Suits," he says, and she rolls her eyes because he's holding his finger up in a _now listen here _way and using the tone he reserves for lectures, elaborate stories and reciting the Bro Code, "require _time. _You can't roll out of bed and put on a suit," he says disdainfully, "You can't just _wear _a suit. You wear a suit _perfectly. _S'why Marshall always looks crappy in his suit at work- he wears his suit but he doesn't _feel_ it, or _own_ it. Suits aren't only clothes, Robin. They're a way of life,"

He looks upwards nobly, and if it was a movie the American flag would unroll behind him and the national anthem would be playing in the background, similar to the ending of his video resume.

"Who are you, the suit Gandhi?" she mocks, but he cocks his head, considering it and she says hastily, "Okay that was rhetorical. Can we go now? I don't want to be late,"

They have to be careful, arriving separately, with convincing cover stories.

He folds his collar down over his tie, "Fine,"

* * *

They're in the elevator and he's leaning against the wall.

"So, back me and Ted," he says as if this is the crux of their conversation, "You know what we're gonna do one time?"

She ignores him.

"One time- and I swear this will be the most _legendary _sex, like, ever- you and me will do it his bed,"

"No,"

"Ye-ea-ah. Think about it- you screaming_ my_ name in your exes' bed. God, its turning me on already," he croaks, reaching for her. She moves away stiffly.

"That's disgusting. You'll be the one screaming when I cut your balls off in a minute,"

The elevator doors open and they walk out into the lobby.

"Oh, I don't think you'll ever do that," he says huskily. He tries to touch her again, but she elbows him hard in the chest.

"Drop it. I'd love to say I can't believe you said that about doing it in Ted's bed, but honestly I've known you long enough to not be surprised at all. Girls don't go round comparing every guy they've been with, you know. I don't have some kind of orgasms leader board,"

"A saucy minx like you? Pfft, of course you do,"

"Keep telling yourself that, then," she retorts, "Maybe I'll suggest to you that you wouldn't be saying this if you were really Ted's _best friend. _Maybe I'll remind you of the most famous scene in When Harry Met Sally. Maybe I'll call Rhonda so she can give you the yips. Maybe I'll just punch your face in and have it done with,"

"Hey, you know I'm not entirely averse to a bit of S&M once in a while, but the rule's anywhere but the face, remember?"

"You never stop talking, do you?" she says, as they walk out onto the street, waiting by the door for a cab to pass by.

He quirks an eyebrow, raises a hand to his lips and moves it across, zipping them. She shoves her hands in her pockets as rain begins to spit. A couple of buses pass, but still no empty cab, and Barney abruptly bursts out, "HA! Of course I don't stop talking. Like I'll ever let you have the last word,"

"How old are you? Six?"

"Eight, actually. And I think you just proved that you can't let me have the last word either, so I'm not the only elementary school kid out of us. Anyway, what I was saying earlier- Li'l Barney's- what?- four, five inches bigger than Tiny Ted, so I'm winning on that already…"

"Barney."

"Say what?"

"Shut. _Up."_

He just laughs.

**Fin.**

**Thanks a lot for reading, please review! (if anyone is feeling really lovely, I'd be so grateful if you reviewed the soon-to-be-updated Father's Days as well.) Have a great day :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Barney's been teasing Robin a lot in this fic, so I thought it was time she gave him a taste of his own medicine.**

**Set on 18****th**** August 2009, between Seasons 4 and 5.**

He remembers Lily drooling over Marshall's calves, and wonders if the same thing would work on Robin. Okay, maybe not his calves (the chicken-legs thing may be ever so _slightly_ accurate), but Barney loves to make her furious and turned on, so one evening before she comes over he takes off his jacket, tie and shirt, and answers the door bare from the waist up. Robin narrows her eyes when she sees him, but pecks his cheek anyway (a sort of habit she's fallen into lately, though neither of them mentions it).

"Where's the shirt?" she asks.

Barney snorts, "Please,"

She gives him a puzzled look but shoots back his sexy, challenging smile. She returns it, looking him up and down with satisfaction as they both inch closer, thick chemistry zapping between them like static. When they're so close that their knees touch, Robin puts a hand to the back of Barney's neck and kisses him slowly – close-mouthed, but lips soft and inviting. The soft lips then trail down his chin, neck and collar bones. She smooths her hands over Barney's arms as her mouth slides down the centre of his chest, cool against his skin. _Mmm. _Normally they chat for perhaps thirty seconds before the intimacy starts, so Barney's pleased that he's managed to cut to chase (though he values talking and mocking and laughing with her much more than he admits). And _yeah, _this is lovely. Robin drops to her knees to lick across his abdominals, running her tongue along their dips and contours, relishing the taste of him. He's loving it as much as she is- it certainly makes his daily routine of sit-ups worthwhile. Triumph growls happily in Barney's stomach as she rubs her face against his body, lapping at him like a cat. Robin's mouth searches to just above his belt, and _oh yes, _this is going somewhere very nice. She presses kisses to his skin about an inch apart as her lips brush repeatedly back and forth across him. Barney's trying to be patient, but he's itching for her to undo his belt and send her kisses lower.

He clears his throat and gives her a _well, hurry up then _look.

Robin smiles coolly, purrs, "Wait for it," and kisses him again.

She wraps her arms around his legs and traces slow, gentle circles across the inside of his thighs. _Oh, come on. _Barney hisses out a breath, blood pulsing inside him as he grits his teeth. Her fingers feel light against the thin fabric of his trousers which makes him even hungrier for her.

Robin's hands and mouth are inches from where he needs either of them to be, touching him in the most tantalising way, making him feel hot and uncomfortable.

"Robi-in," he whines. She stops and looks up at him, victory clear on her face- because _she_ has made Barney Stinson moan her name. It's Point Robin but he doesn't care because her lips are on his stomach again and her fingers are stroking his legs. _God, she's good. _The way she's _almost_ giving it to him is excruciating- and even more excruciating is that knowing that he'll let her do it. Barney wants her so badly that he'll _let_ her make him the one to beg, let her make him sweaty and tight and breathless. It isn't just Point Robin, its Game, Set and Match Robin- part of Barney hates that he's allowed her to win- but most of all he just has to have her on him. Barney groans a couple more times, and a third when her hand _finally _drifts up to his belt. Robin undoes it at a teasingly slow speed, but thank God this is finally heading (what up) somewhere. Barney hums happily, loosening his neck and closing his eyes…

Abruptly, Robin lets go of him and stands up and moves away. She's so fast that Barney doesn't register. Robin flashes him an innocent smile and says brightly, "Sorry, I forgot- I need to help Ted out with something,"

The door opens, closes, and she's gone.

Silence.

Dazed and blinking, Barney takes a few moments to clarify what just happened. Robin left. She kissed him, touched him, turned him on fire- then left, citing commitments to her live-in ex-boyfriend as the reason. _Jesus, she's good._ She's one step ahead of him. Sends him insane.

A cocktail of admiration, anger, jealousy and lust boils and bubbles and swirls inside him. Barney isn't sure if it's delicious or disgusting.

She will be the death of him. He'll let her be, and he won't care.

His breath's returning and, with a groan, Barney stumbles backwards onto the couch. It's a good job he's been secretly (or not-so-secretly) filming their recent nights together - otherwise he's not sure that he'd survive this.

**Fin.**

**Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it. Whatever your opinion, please review (especially if you've favourited!)**

**Have a lovely day.**


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